Just Living The Dream, Sorta…

Hey Guys,

Sorry I haven’t written or recorded a life update VLOG in a while. I’ve been under a lot of stress with events like #VloggerFair and PAX Prime coming up this month and preparing for them while also fighting some other battles. Also on top of that my son got really sick (102° temp) and passed it onto me so I’m not feeling too good myself right now but I want to finish this blog so I can move on to shooting some monthly subscription box unboxings for you guys, you have waited a long time and so have I.

I am going to address the elephant in the room which is my diet and exercise. I haven’t been to the gym in 5 days and have been eating horribly again because it seems to be the only thing that helps with the stress I’m experiencing right now. I literally feel like a failure with every bite I take yet I still do it which puzzles me. I’ve tried to shoot videos the last 2 days even while sick but I just don’t feel comfortable in front of the camera unless I’m happy and feeling good which are feelings I rarely have these days with everything going on.

I’m still off all my medication except for my back pain medication and even that I’ve reduced the dose so I’m pretty happy with that one small victory. But I’ve also gained about 5lb in the last week back that I worked so hard to lose and that disappoints the hell out of me. I wish there was a way for me to mind meld with all the people reading this and show them exactly what is going through my head so they might better understand it’s not as simple as just ‘Putting the fork down’. Over eating or unhealthy eating stems from a deeper problem of depression. I think deep down I hate myself and want to punish myself and this is how I achieve that, I know it’s strange but it’s the only explanation I can think of after weighing all the data and knowing exactly what the outcomes of my actions will be!

All I truly want is to get back on track with creating videos, enjoying time with my family and reducing my pain in my back so I can do more things which requires me to exercise routinely and eat better. I was able to stay the course for several weeks and lose over 20lb but as a lot of people suspected it didn’t last and fell apart. I need to find a diet that I truly enjoy and exercises that I enjoy to keep me engaged. Weight lifting is fun and I enjoy it but it’s very solitary so the time doesn’t fly by. I need to find something I can do with friends to keep me in shape while still being able to have company and stimulating conversation. I spend enough time alone in the Nerd Cave trying to build my little YouTube empire and don’t want to spend more time alone at the gym (Might even get a personal trainer).

I see every day as new battle and no matter how many times you fail never give up and keep trying. People will make fun of you when you fail, people will even make fun of you when you’re successful but at the end of the day you’re the only person that matters and it’s what you convince yourself of that really matters. I know all too well how hard it is to ignore the haters, those toxic people that want you to fail so they feel like they have some perverse power of you or feel more achieved in their life filled with nothing because they can see you are suffering too. These people lives to get attention good or bad by any means necessary because they are social outcasts that have their own sets of problems they don’t know how to deal with. I just need to learn how to ignore them since they obviously are not going anywhere anytime soon and the problem will continue to get worse as my YouTube channel grows in popularity because every villain likes to take down a bigger target.

Sorry today’s blog wasn’t more up-beat. I just needed to get a few things off my chest so I can finally turn around and face the camera again and shoot a few unboxing videos for you guys and then head down to the maker space to work on welding together the rest of the #3dprinted Storm Trooper suit which is almost complete (Helmet is printing now). I’m very excited with the progress on all these projects and I need to learn how to focus more energy and attention on the massive amount of positive people and energy around me then focusing on the slight little pain caused by the young trolls of the internet. It’s kind of like a bee sting, no matter how tiny it is or obscure its location you can’t stop itching it despite 99.9% of the rest of your body being perfectly fine.

Love you all, thanks for reading and being there for me!

Buff Jerry


10 thoughts on “Just Living The Dream, Sorta…

  1. Sorry to hear the mind is working against you. I hope as you said, that you can face it a little at a time and that we can help you any way possible. Please don’t hesitate to let us know what you need us to do to help you with anything!

  2. My dad goes two times a week kick boxing with a friend of him at the local gym. Maybe something for you? I’m sorry for my bad English.

  3. Hey Jerry, I have to say from personal experience that its never easy to change and even harder putting your self out there day and day out. I think the real trick to keeping on the path to improving your self is you need to know the “why” your doing it and not just look to will power alone. Look to your family, your friends, and your fans. Understand that you being better is not a matter of vanity or trying to fit into a mold. Imagine the life change you can have when it comes to just being healthy. You don’t have to be super skinny or muscular. Just be the best you that you can be and your quality of life is only going to get better. I myself have terrible back pains and shoulder injury. So I know all to well what its like being in chronic pain and not being able to sleep. I also know its easy to fall off the wagon of going to the gym and not eating well. Just make it a habit to go even if you can’t go “all out for the day” no one is 100% all the time. In the short time I have followed you and the longest time I have watched your youtube channel. I have to say the world is a better place with guys like you in it and It will remain a better place the longer you can stay in it. So keep your head up and you camera rolling. I can only speak for my self, but I’m sure everyone that follows you supports you, your efforts, and your achievements’.

  4. Take your time Jerry. You shouldn’t feel like a failure for going off your course for a few days, especially considering you still want to, it’s just hard.
    As you said, maybe a personal trainer will help, and doing stuff with friends even more so, as you not only get to share the experience with them, but also get to talk to them along the way.

    You’re trying, and that’s all that matters.

    Just remember… #BeefCake!

  5. I like karate classes for the encouragement and discipline, and they accept everyone exactly as they come. They’ve got great positive energy, and get excited about helping people. By the way the guy in that photo has oversize thighs. LOL. Nobody is perfect. No matter how things look on the outside.

    You seem to be on the right path. With even the least bit of forward motion, you’ll get to where you want to go. We believe in you Barnacules! We want you to succeed. You will succeed. Hell, man, you’re an incredible success already!

  6. Jerry, why not use the technology to do your gym/weights with friends. There must be some way that you can chat to friends while you are there and you can guarantee that there are many who would like to help you get thro this.
    Regards Geoff

  7. get on a bike. Its very good for the back and weight lose, too. And its much more fun than training in gym, when you avoid hills. Also you can do it with friends.
    I ride almost every day for at least 30min, but since I bought my road bike a month a go, i go out for much longer time, because its so easy to ride. Bit inspired by jay

  8. Hey Jerry, you may never read this but if you do I’d like to chime in. I’m feel like I’m in a similar boat as you. I’ve done quite a lot of comfort eating over the past few years. And lets face it I’ve never been in shape. Recently I have found myself weighing in at around 350+ pounds on the scale. In fact the scale said ERR for a while if you could relate to that at all. I have tried dieting and exercising in the past, but nothing that really stuck on for more than a week or two. On top of that I have a pretty high level of anxiety and depression. In fact just this past weekend I stayed in bed all Saturday because I couldn’t bring myself to… live… Your videos have been one of the reasons that have finally helped me get back on track. You talked about how you were sick of not being able to do the things you used to love doing. Something finally clicked with me 2 months ago that has helped me stick with being healthy. I’m 27, never had a relationship, no friends to seek advice or help, and have never been able to do anything that I have really wanted to do. Most of those things I can’t change or control, but one thing I could do was try to be more healthy. I started riding bikes, hiking, and generally enjoying the outdoors much more. Sure I have fallen from my path here and there (this last weekend), but the results are speaking for themselves. My scale actually can read my weight now and I’ve had more energy to move around and enjoy life the way I’ve always wanted. I’m no where near my goal but the one thought that has kept me on track more than anything has always been, “I’m sick of who I am.”

  9. Hey man! I saw one of your youtube videos where you mentioned going on a diet. I was inspired by that video (and other things) and started a PSMF diet. I started on June 1st of this year and lost ~50lbs after 12 weeks. I took 2 weeks off and now I’m back on track. I eat meat and veggies cutting out almost all carbs. I recommend you research it. I started at 390lbs and I am currently at 335. We big guys gotta look out for each other so I looked you up to see what kind of progress you’ve had. I had lost 100lbs a few years ago doing the Ideal Protein diet but I got depressed about relationship woes and quit before I finished and gained almost all of the weight back. The good thing about the PSMF style of diet is you can have carte blanche on eating meats and veggies. I pretty much eat until I am not hungry and avoid all carbs. Pork chops, steaks, chicken, etc. If I want a crunchy potato chip style snack I’ll get a small bag of pork rinds. Worth considering but as you said the best diet is the diet that works for you. Feel free to reach out @notoriousbmac on twitter.

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