Hey Guys,
Last week I went to the doctor because of the massive increase in anxiety and depression I’ve been experiencing that has been building since Microsoft laid me off about a year ago and recently has skyrocketed due to legal battles I’ve been fighting against people trying to destroy my reputation just to steal a few products from companies to sell on eBay (see my last post). He prescribed me a drug called Wellbutrin to try and help me reduce the depression and anxiety and increase my drive. I’ve also been on Adderall for years for my ADHD but the Wellbutrin supposedly can replace that.
I also take prescription pain medication daily for my back for about 3+ years because I have a compressed disc at L4 that is too close to the nerve to operate safely and have a bone spur on my sciatic nerve which causes constant shooting pain and numbness in my legs and lower back. Unfortunately I can’t take traditional over the counter pain medication because I’m allergic to NSAIDS (IBProfin, Alleve, Asprin, etc).
I have taken the Wellbutrin for about a week and noticed that it had some side effects that I didn’t like including insomnia, which is further screwing with my sleep I already hardly get and I’ve noticed some increased tension in my muscles overall. Well today I finally decided I’m going to stop taking the Wellbutrin. But I’m not going to stop there, I’m also discontinuing use of Adderall (it was a low dose so very small withdrawal). I am also going to stop taking the pain medication and muscle relaxers starting today (withdrawal will be hard). In a nut shell I’ve noticed over the last year that the medication has really started to dull my senses and though it does help with some emotional/life problems and some of the anxiety it comes at a steep cost. I feel like my senses have been severely dulled and my memory has taken a severe blow, I have a hard time remembering things (could be the lack of sleep also, but caused by the medicine never the less). So I’ve decided to start detoxing my body off these drugs and finding alternative ways to deal with the pain, even if it means biting a stick and pushing through it.
I really want to get my passion and spark for life back and I feel like the drugs just numb the problem that ultimately needs to be fixed. Now, I will never be able to fix the pain in my back because of the disc and the bone spur completely but I’m confident if I power though the pain that I can eventually get to a point where it’s manageable without drugs and if I do have to use drugs in severe cases it will not be on a regular consistent basis that will cause them to have a cumulative affect on my mental & physical health overall.
A lot of people are going to judge me saying that coming off the drugs is not the solution and many people will say that it is. This is the internet, I expect to be judged for every single thing I do and I expect that every person judging me is going to think they are the only one that is right. But holding myself accountable and telling you guys about my life decisions actually helps me a great deal. I’ll be honest the diet hasn’t been going well over the last 2 weeks because of the constant legal battles I’ve been fighting and the amount of stress it has caused me but I’m still in the 280’s down from 308 and I’m going to get back on the wagon starting today and head to the gym.
I am however going to make some changes to my diet because it was not sustainable the way I was doing it. Have the foods I wanted once a week wasn’t enough and I find that comfort food is therapeutic if not abused. I will continue to lose weight but it’s going to be even more painful without the medication but I confident that in the end I will be better off mentally and I’ve realized that I would rather be mentally healthier then physically healthier in the short term but have both in the long term. I will keep you guys updated in videos of my overall progress starting in the next few days and basically go over all of this again in the video since I know many of my fans don’t like BLOG’s they like Videos.
This is going to be a rough ride and I’m sure I don’t even realize right now how unpleasant the next few weeks will be but in the end I hope to regain my passion, drive and love of life that was some how lost along the way of trying to get rid of the anxiety and depression that comes along with it. I’ll be honest, being an online media personality takes a huge toll on you emotionally. Like I said earlier a lot of people assume they have a 1-on-1 relationship with you and if you don’t reciprocate communications they get toxic. They don’t understand I can’t respond to thousands of emails a week or every single social media message and hidden DM I never receive. But I need to learn to deal with the stress and move forward and not let these people make me feel bad for not doing everything they want. I hear a lot of people at meets say they wish they had a half million subscriber channel and they would give anything for it. But I notice that they have not yet felt the pressures that come along with it. I myself didn’t even realize the stuff that would happen if I did this full time when I first made the decision, it’s been a roller coaster ride. But one thing is sure I need my wits about me to stay on top of everything and keep pushing forward hard and that is why I’m doing all this. Because at the end of the day my family needs a husband and father that is fun, happy and energetic and not what they have now which is someone who is emotionally defeated.
You guys are welcome to leave comments down below but I’ve made my choice and don’t worry I’m not going to let myself get to the point where I can’t get out of bed in the morning. But I really do need to find alternate way to deal with the depression, anxiety, stress and pain with something that doesn’t come out of a bottle for my own sanity and for my family. I want to get back to the crazy fun loving super hyper active person I was a year ago and I need to stop letting people online affect me negatively emotionally and just push through it. I need to stop thinking everyone on the internet that says something harmful or is let down by me is a friend. They are just people that don’t understand what is really going on and make negative assumptions and chose to take it out on me, nothing more.
The funny thing is just like my mom (R.I.P) I’ve always been good at giving other people good advise but seldom am I good at taking it myself. That being said, today I’m taking my own advise and I’m going to try and detox my body and see if mentally things improve even if it’s at the cost of some physical pain and mobility changes. I feel like in the end I will be better off for it! I love all you guys that take the time to watch my videos and read my blog it means a lot to me, you are the people that make it so I can do this YouTube thing instead of just going back to another IT programming job behind a desk. You’re the reason I want to get into a better place so I can make better videos and have more joy making them. Without an army of support I would probably continue on this downward spiral.
I’ve created a physical calendar that is on my wall in the bathroom that I can check the boxes off each day I don’t use any medication. This will give me some physical thing in the real world I can hold on to and see the progress as it happens. Checking these boxes will end each day with a small victory leading up to a large one. Like I said before, it’s not going to be easy but hopefully it will return to the person I used to be. Also today I’m going to turn the camera on and start shooting videos again, for better or for worse I don’t care I just want to get back into the swing of things. I need to stop second guessing myself and just focus on having fun because at the end of the day that is why you guys watch my videos, for information, comedy, education, etc and damn it, I want to give it back to you!
Also, this absolutely isn’t a judgement against medication, I know a lot of people that use medications and it changes their lives absolutely for the better! I chose that path because I noticed they were having such positive results but unfortunately I think I’m wired a little bit differently and the medication just isn’t having the effect that I want and I don’t have the time to try every single drug out there to find the perfect combination so time to just start over. At least if I ever do need to go back on a medication my system will be clean and so will my mind so I’ll have a much better idea of how the single medication is affecting me rather then the cumulative effects of multiple medications interacting. Please do not read this as medication is bad, if you take medication and it helps then please continue to do so! This is something I’m doing that may not end well, but I’m hoping that it does.
Thank you for everything, more videos coming really soon…
- YouTube – http://barnnerd.com
- Twitter – http://twitter.barnnerd.com
- Facebook – http://facebook.barnnerd.com
- Instagram – http://instagram.barnnerd.com
Barnacules Nerdgasm 
I wish you the best, no matter what route you use.
I was inspired by your weight loss video, to try and do the same thing. I’m getting there, slowly….
Barn,
I am sorry for the pain and problems you’re experiencing right now. Most people wouldn’t understand the pain or the problems you’re facing. They will look at it as excuses. I for one understand because I face my battles of diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol. I’m fighting to defeat this battle and I will win. Just like I know you will win. You’re a strong individual with. Lot of heart, ambition and passion for technology and gaming like myself. I look at this as an opportunity for you ounce back 10 times harder than before. You’re not alone. You have major support from friends, family and fans. Don’t give up. I’m praying for you and your family.
From a distant friend, supporter and fan,
Big Cheese
Thank you so much! We’ll both win this battle, probably take some licks along the way but in the end will win.
When ever you feel down just watch videos of these big cats! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC10bxQVVz1dJSIUC-f5hJdA
From a fellow diabetic (1) with high blood pressure, i feel you there!
whatever it takes, I hope you get out of this state and go back to happy jerry soon 🙂
Whatever it takes, I hope you go back to happy jerry son 🙂
It sounds like you need a personal assistant to help with the emails to help with the load. Have them categorize it for you. Have you read Robert Heinlein’s response letter that he had to use? It’s a good read. I hope you find some peace and don’t be too hard on yourself if you miss a step on your ladder.
It’s nice to have your blog back, 140char isnt enough for a lot of people to say things – Been a long time fan and you talk to me on twitter from time to time – just letting you know, you will never loose a sub or get hate from me or any of my friends, especially just because you didn’t make a video for a week or 2. Family comes first, as does your health. If something happened, i would expect you to take some time off to sort yourself and anything else out – don’t worry about it! – @MLGMelon (Norman)
we love you Jerry
I’m really proud of you. Do what you need to do for yourself. I’m not telling what to do but you may want to check out different herbs they may help. Do a google search for each problem. Like What herbs help with anxiety, or what herbs works with depression
Go Team Jerry!
Good on you jerry for taking your own life back 🙂 i wish you the best in your journey and will continue to support your channel and follow you on your social media. Most of us are backing you and want to see you happy within yourself again!
Good for you, been in a similar place. Not the same admittedly lol just do what feels right for you fella, as youtube will be there long after you. But your family needs you now and you need your family. Hope you get everything you want and more 😊
Right on Jerry, that takes a lot of courage to even attempt but I respect anyone who’s willing to give it a try. My wife has had crippling anxiety for a long time and part of that is a fear of taking any drugs to alleviate it. She’s decided to stick with a regime of stepping out of her comfort zone slowly, but repeatedly and through this exposure therapy she’s been able to go from someone who had a hard time going to the store for food to someone who’s going to music conventions with friends.
She just got back from KCon in LA in fact, she had gone with her sister, her sister-in-law and my cousin and all of them were more nervous than she was.
I know her problems aren’t similar at all to your but progress can be made without drugs so long as one has the motivation to be the change they want to see in themselves.
Hi Jerry
I was on pain medication and anti depressants, and the doctor kept increasing the dosage. I was an alcoholic also.
I have a very stressful job, and lead a hectic lifestyle.
I notice that the depression was getting worse, and I went back to the doctors, and said that I didn’t want to take these any more, and I didn’t want to take the pain killers. I had already trying to control the drinking for the previous 3 years via mental health doctors and counselling.
Doctor told me to go cold turkey on the meds, and literally within a few days I has stopped drinking beer!
I am now 3 years on, I haven’t been drunk. I still drink alcohol but mainly at the weekends, and more importantly I can control it now. Its taken alot of effort to get where I am.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have down days, but its so much easier to push through when my wife and children are happier. I can feel when the anxiety and depression comes on, and I can now deal with it, without turning to substances!
And to stop the neck pain, I have started a gym in the last week. I lost 4 stone in the last 1.5 years. and am stuck at 16 stone. (100ish KG) So I have joined the gym, and i cycle 30 miles a week. I tell you know, I can see the improvements immediately and I feel brilliant!
I wish you the best Jerry
Lee
Jerry, you are making decisions and trying to do new things which is a positive start, rather than just moping about. I read an article where ADD in America is much higher than in France as America deals with it with drugs but the french believe it has more to do with mental disorder and insist people go for counseling rather than taking only drugs. Just a thought.
Congratulations on making this choice. I have severe health issues myself, though mine are mostly from an immune deficiency. I chose years ago to stop taking pain mess and aside from hospital stays, that remains true. I do have to take mess to keep my condition in check.
I applaud your conviction and drive to be healthier. Good on you and keep the updates rolling.
Hey buddy, a litle message from France (excuse my bad written English ^^’) Courage !! even if the 2 last week were rough it’s behind you now (or almost). I have my self some overweight issue, and you have been a very big source of motivation to me, i have lost 10 kg so far (around 22 pounds)! And i’m going to start the INSANITY workout programm in few days (do you know that? it look very touhg)
Anyway ! we are all with you!
can’t wait to see another video from you 😉
Good luck Gerry. Best of luck, and I will be following you online occasionally, in hopes to see you continue to soar.
Hope every thing works out for you. I’ve been battling severe anxiety and depression for about 4 months now. I’ve had to quit my job that I’ve had since I got out of high school 6 years ago, move me and my wife into my parents house, spend thousands of dollars on anti anxiety med and still cannot overcome it. I know exactly what your going threw I’d like you tell you it will get better but I haven’t found a way to help myself yet.
I hope you find a solution that works for you. I’m kind of in the same boat just trying new things.
hey jerry
wish all the success in the world. 🙂
Your loyalty is to your wife and your son even though YouTube is your “job” now we really should all be a very Distent second. Get yourself right and it will show on your vedios. I wish you the best of luck.
Hey Jerry,
I just recently discovered your YouTube channel and have been loving watching your videos. I can only imagine how hard it is to deal with the pressures of being a successful YouTube personality on top of being a husband and a father. I wish you the best in your battle with depression (something I struggle with as well although not nearly as bad as most) and with getting back in shape (something I’m also battling with). Have you ever considered trying DDP Yoga? It’s a yoga program that has been designed by Diamond Dallas Page that has done wonders for a lot of people including pro wrestlers looking for a way to reduce pain from injuries sustained in the ring. I recently started using the program and have really enjoyed it so far. You might want to look into it.
Jerry,
I don’t normally respond to posts like this but I wanted to say I can totally relate to the pain and back problems. I have a tumor in my spine between L2 and L3 and it causes constant pain, like you mentioned in your symptoms, shooting pain and numbness in the legs and lower back. Sometimes I can hardly walk.
I’m no media personality like you are, but I am in the same boat of being home almost 24 hours a day for days on end (you mentioned that in one of your videos) and I also have severe OCD and I am agoraphobic. I can’t deal with lots of people at once and sudden situations (and if I am not in control of them) I panic and feel like I have a heart attack. Being the same size and weight as you (well, almost. I’m 5”9″ and 285lbs) you can imagine how it feels.
The big difference is when I was offered all soft of medication I had to turn it down. Basically the Doc’s here said it’s either Pot or Vicodin. My wife hates drugs, since some people she knows abuse them, and she works at a clinic and see’s how bad both options are for people like me. So I have to do what you are doing now. Grunting through it and pushing full steam ahead. If I can do it, I know you can do it man.
This is getting long, so I’ll just say I believe you are one of those few honest people out there, and are doing the best things in life to make the most of it. I may never actually meet you. Hell the closest I’ll get is when you flew into Oakland International Airport on SouthWest, but I do enjoy what you do, and if I had the chance I’d give you a handshake and a hug and say thanks for being who and how you are.
Your Fan,
John
Thanks John, not looking forward to the withdrawal.
You do what you need to Jerry. Been following you nearly two years now and will support you no matter what you do.
Good luck and I hope this all works for you!!
I was fortunate enough never to experience a depression, but I know how terrible this can be from near relatives after a suicide (non-depression related) in the family. Both of them were temporarily on drugs but after many sessions of counseling they started their normal life again, completly without drugs.
What Jared mentioned for France is the same here in Germany. The use of heavy medication is strictly regulated and often only temporary. Counseling can be much more effective — of course this depends on the illness. (I’ve seen people who tried to kill themselves because of a certain metanolism disorder. Really nasted stuff and in such cases only drugs can help.)
I had recently much trouble with kindey stones. After surgery and five days in hospital my back was a complete disaster (the hospital beds were not made for big and heavy people …). It took weeks to get better. If you have this level of pain daily or I consider your pain even worse, I don’t know what I would have done without painkillers. Hopefully you can overcome this!
And please drink enough. Believe me, you don’t want kindey stones ever. Even my horrible back pain was nothing against the pain of the kidney colics. You would’t want that to happen even to your worst enemy.
I wish you all the best and a drug-free, especially mostly pain-free life!
Hey buddy,
Depression has been a sneaky bastard in my life since I was a preteen. Like you, I have struggled with obesity (which I will without shame place some of the blame of on depression) and am beginning to feel the issues that come with having some extra baggage.
I spent last night in the ER only to find out that I have gallstones. This is on top of an injured foot that I spent six weeks in a walking boot for, and sinusitis which has caused headaches and a toothache over the past few weeks.
What a lot of people don’t realize is just how much depression adds to even the most minor physical ailments. Your back pain is magnified by the panic that sets in when your brain tells you that there isn’t and will never be a cure for you. It’s a bitch, and I applaud you for using your time on the soap box to let the world know that they’re not alone. This is real, and the people that spout off about excuses and exaggeration are full of crap.
Being big sucks. Being big and in pain sucks even more. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough people willing to do what you do and be open and honest about it to make people that could never understand the struggle “get it.”
Thank you. Thank you for being so honest, and for giving us a glimpse into the life of someone like ourselves.
Man, you got dealt a bad hand. Time to throw it away and start a new better hand! i wish you the best of luck once that GB is ripped out.
Hi jerry.
I’ve been a pretty long time fan of yours and I watch all your videos.
Reading about your health problems I think I can recommend you something.
For your back pain: Spascrupeel.
Spascrupeel is a homeopathic drug.
Here’s the story. I’m the most sceptic man on world’s face. Last year I was suffering from intense pain in my lower back wich also was affecting my leg’s nerves. I felt like dying. Doctors kept prescribing me shit that literally did not work at all. This drug though… it almost removed all my pain in just three days coming from a period of more than four months of suffer.
Mainstream medicine about this medicament: It’s a placebo effect .
Homeopathy it’s been denied by Mainstream Medicine forever and I was sceptical about it but it worked.
I can tell you it’s not just a placebo effect. It has a therapeutical effects.
It’s not a Miracle drug, it’s something that simply does not interests to Mainstream medicine because they just want to sell Painkillers.
I’m going to repeat it. Spascupreel. Give it a shot. You don’t have anything to lose.
It’s made of herbs and natural things so it safe to take.
Good luck Jerry, I hope you find a route to get your pain, anxiety, depression under control, I personally cannot speak about dealing with depression, but I can imagine how hard it must be some days. I can speak about knowing about back pain, I regularly suffer with back pain, and even perscription pain killers have no effect on the pain. Which really sucks when my colleague had tooth ache and took one of my painkillers and knocks them out for a few hours.
I completely understand how you feel, Jerry. To be honest, you do you, and that is all you should do. You do what you feel is best. You want to make videos? Make them. If you want to take a day or two off to spend time with friends or family (if you haven’t already, you know what I mean) and just sit back and take a breather, just do it. We all care about your stability and well being, and support you until the end.
I know the feeling of having to be on pills for a certain reason. I have a hereditary (not confirmed yet, but it is definitely possible since my father and his father both died from massive sudden heart attacks, 43 and 47 respectively.) cardiovascular problem, and I am prone to heart attacks or strokes. Only for being 17 years old, dad began having problems around 18, so yeah, I may have a problem.
I am taking some simple Bayer pills as an aspirin regimen for the time being until I can get into the docs and get everything checked out down the road for whatever reason (it escapes me right now lol).
Just take it easy, Jerry. We hope the best.
Sir, I applaud your decision to make a change for the better, and to attack the cause of what you see as a huge problem in your life. I hope you know that you have a lot of support, and even if some of us aren’t the most vocal of cheerleaders, were pulling for you. If the calendar is a desktop one, have you considered marking off the days with batknife? 😉
Hope you have success detoxin, try taking tai chi or yoga or karate (goju ru style) to provide support and a distraction and get a message at least one a week as sometimes stress is a cause and not a symptom.
message should be massage.
Jerry, I’m glad that you’re making the decision to try and make your life better. I will not judge you for your decisions as only you know what is best for you, and thus, I respect any decision you make.
I was on medications for depression for quite some time (I had a very traumatic childhood) and even then, I still had days that were so bad I literally couldn’t get out of bed. I also used food as a medication. When I started getting depressed, I’d eat. I’d feel better for a little bit, then I would feel guilty (and depressed) for eating. I ate more because it made the guilt from the first bit go away. (see the vicious cycle?) Then I noticed that was gaining weight pretty quickly. Know what I did? Yep. You guessed it. I ate more. People at school started making fun of me because I was overweight, causing another vicious cycle. By the I was 13 I was 240 pounds. My doctor said if that if I didn’t change some shit, I would DIE by the time I was 16. That had scared the shit out of me. The doctor had said when I started the medication that one of the side effects would be skin rashes. I noticed that I had rashes pretty much covering my entire torso. My doctor realized that the fact that I had days where I couldn’t get out of bed weren’t from the depression itself, but the medication. That day, I committed to never relying on medication again to make me happy. I also committed to get my shit together. There was no way I was going to die in a year from being stupid. In a matter of 3 months, I lost 105 pounds. During those 3 months, most of my friends and family hadn’t seen me, and hadn’t heard from me. Many of them thought I’d died because they knew that I’d attempted suicide once before. Most of them, when they saw me after those 3 months started crying and hugged me because they thought I had killed myself, and were relieved that I hadn’t. And then it turned to worry as they thought that this was a different form of me attempting suicide. Once I informed them that it wasn’t an attempt but really me trying to SAVE my life, they fully embraced it with me.
Whatever your decision Jerry, I fully support you brother. The medicine was supposed to help me, and it didn’t. We don’t know what works for you, only you do, so please, don’t give a shit what any of our opinions are on your decisions, only what your opinion is. Your opinion is the only opinion that matters.
Love you Jerry. Good luck.
Hey Jerry, been watching you for a couple years now. Love the channel, you’re great at what you do. Just wanted to add another success story here, but mine’s a little reversed. I was on some medication for an infection, but it gave me some bad side effects. When I came off of it, my brain didn’t know what hit it, and I had extreme anxiety and depression for about 4 months. I went through counseling which felt very defeating at first, but it helped in the end. Just now, about a year and a half later, I can consider myself normal again. That was a very trying time for me and my family. And the weird part? I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I have a huge empathy for anyone who is going through that now. I understand it’s not as easy as just snapping out of it. You’ve got to be strong, push through it, and find what works for you. For me, it was being open and honest with everyone – don’t keep it inside – and staying close to loved ones, especially my wife. It’s extremely comforting knowing there’s someone out there who cares and has your back. So don’t feel down about your family needing a strong father figure. They already have one. Just don’t forget that you need them as much as they need you. And by the way, look at all the support you have here! You are not alone.
You actually inspired and encouraged me to make my own youtube channel and website. It’s really not that great, but think of the influence you’ve had to get people like me to go through the effort of setting something like that up! You are a great guy, innovative, funny, inspiring, and definitely tough enough to see this through. Keep on being you, and you got this!
All the best Jerry, but be careful. I did something similar some time ago and the withdrawal from the SSRI anti-depressants I was on nearly killed me, however I had been on them for much longer than you. Hope it works out for you and you find the drive back in your life
Don’t worry only been on a low dose for 5 days, shouldn’t be a bad withdrawal. I went through a cold turkey withdrawal from 8 months of Lexipro once and I know where you’re coming from.
I wish I in some way could help you, other than watching the videos and telling my friends about them whenever there is an opportunity. I really hope you feel better soon, and I hope you read my youtube message I sent a few weeks back (from “Robin Edquist”). You know we will always support you and you do what you have to do. Looking forward to seeing your vlogs in the future (to be honest I’m more interested in those than the tech stuff, and I’m quite a tech nerd myself).
Have a nice day to you and your entire family.
I think anything that helps you be the person you want to be is a great thing. I hope you succeed not for us crazy followers but for your own happiness and for your lovely family. If happiness comes by not doing this online stuff, stop doing it. If you need a break from it, take it…whatever you need to do for you, that is what should come first always. Remember, you owe us nothing regardless of what some may say to you. We follow you for being you, not for what you think we want you to be. That’s how it started out, and how it should always be, true to yourself, your well being and your family. Be well and be happy…wow, now I sound like a Honeynut Cheerios commercial bee. 🙂
I am so happy to hear that from you. Good for you. Not for the drug thing or the weight thing, but for standing up and saying damnit Ive had enough its time to make the change and Im doing it. Dont let any naysayers or trolls get you down.
Just keep doing what you do and those of us who get it will be following along day by day.
On a personal note, I have been through a lot of what you have gone through and are going through (even the same medications) and made a similar decision in my life, this was years ago, and I couldn’t be happier today.
Bravo Jerry!
Good for you! The less medication you are on, the better. I don’t take medication unless I just can’t stand the pain any more.
One step closer to possible high barnacules. Lol get that MD Mary Jane and relax a little.
Its hard to understand all of your pains, because the symptoms are different, but may be i can understand about never ending pains, and kind of non-working medicines.
I have a lot of problems digesting foods, and more than five days a week, i have diarrhea. Also, if i eat or drink cold things, spicy things or things that are made with flour,(almost all foods…) i get in troubles again.
Normal digesting process only happens less than once a month. It really sucks.
And … i tried many kinds of pills, but its been almost 3 years with same symptoms.
In case of depression, my symptom was not that serious, but lots of people including me felt better after active moving like exercising, so it will be good for you too.
I really wanted to give some detailed advice for you, but as i said before, i can’t empathize all of those, and i feel sorry that my comment seems like only appealed my symptoms. Um…so, only thing that i can say is Cheer Up, and i hope you became a crazy fun loving super hyper active person again. Really 🙂
from your big fan in S.Korea
Geon Min
Jerry,
Please give
http://philmaffetone.com
A look..he has written some great stuff and has good science behinded his work. His books are great starts and resources. You can contact him if you want.
Take care
ahhh….anxiety the worst thing of my llife…:/
well i hope you find the best way to defeat these problems.
good luck man.
I know how you must be feeling battling the medication, I am thankfully being able to use mine, morphine and tramadol to start to get through my pain which is insurmountable, (terminal) I wish you all the best for the future and am sure you can get a balance to whatever you do. Here’s hoping you have a full and happy life with that great little family you have.
Hey Jerry,
My name is Dyllon and I’m 21 now but when I was younger and in high school I used to take Adderall for my ADHD. I would get so depressed and down about things. One day I quit taking the Adderall and my depression pretty much went away all together. When I read you were taking it I though of that. Hopefully that might be the case for you and simple to fix. I love all of your videos and still remember the first time I watched them, wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea to subscribe to such a wacky nutjob. Turns out that nutjob is a pretty amazing guy in this world. Best of luck in your future Jerry!
Just a response from a distant long term fan of both you, Jerry and your channels. I have the exact same passions as yourself of tech, cars, family and.. Let’s face it, comfort food. I do not, however have any of your problems. This message isn’t to rub anything into anyone’s face… But to highlight how much I agree with your stance on this decision. I’d hate to lose comfort food, I’d be starved mentally if someone took away my passion for tech and gadgets. If I wasn’t fit to comfortably drive for hours on end just for the passion of a-b twisty road fun, is probably shed a fair few tears. Most of all, should anything ever compromise my relationships with my family and friends…. I just don’t know how I could cope.
I totally agree with your decision to try a re-boot. You clearly have already discussed this with your closest family and have their support. Enjoy a little bit from us in England. Love as always… Mat.
Mr. Barney, please do more C# videos. I learned a lot from Codegasm and I’m looking forward to more episodes.
You inspire me everyday. I love your videos. not because of the content but because of you as a personality. I think it’s because I can relate to you in so many ways. I also suffer from back pain ( not as bad as you though. ) and its the worst thing ever because it affects your mood in a negative way and limits you on certain exercises like running for long periods. regarding your diet I agree with you as well that you have to be on a diet that is sustainable and then slowly cut back weekly as you get more fit to burn more calories. as long as you are making progress, it doesn’t matter how little of it you make. I wish you everything of the best with your law suit and I hope the guy who is responsible for stealing products will be punished. wish I could come to vlogget fair but I live veru far away… South Africa to be exact. all the best Jerry!
You inspire me everyday. I love your videos. not because of the content but because of you as a personality. I think it’s because I can relate to you in so many ways. I also suffer from back pain ( not as bad as you though. ) and its the worst thing ever because it affects your mood in a negative way and limits you on certain exercises like running for long periods. I’m not too familiar with medication but if you feel you can go without any then I say go for it! regarding your diet I agree with you as well that you have to be on a diet that is sustainable and then slowly cut back weekly as you get more fit to burn more calories. as long as you are making progress, it doesn’t matter how little of it you make. I wish you everything of the best with your law suit and I hope the guy who is responsible for stealing products will be punished. wish I could come to vlogget fair but I live veru far away… South Africa to be exact. all the best Jerry!
You inspire me everyday. I love your videos. not because of the content but because of you as a personality. I think it’s because I can relate to you in so many ways. I also suffer from back pain ( not as bad as you though. ) and its the worst thing ever because it affects your mood in a negative way and limits you on certain exercises like running for long periods. I’m not too familiar with medication but if you feel you can go without any to solve your mental health then I say go for it! regarding your diet I agree with you as well that you have to be on a diet that is sustainable and then slowly cut back weekly as you get more fit to burn more calories. as long as you are making progress, it doesn’t matter how little of it you make. I wish you everything of the best with your law suit and I hope the guy who is responsible for stealing products will be punished. wish I could come to vlogget fair but I live veru far away… South Africa to be exact. all the best Jerry!
Hi Jerry, i think its inspiring to see you are doing something to make your life better.
And from my limited experience i have learned that taking the serious decision to change something in your life is at least 50% of the solution, so i am sure you will make a positive change.
Just remember that if your changes do not work, then don’t give up!
Just debug the process and change the process instead 🙂
Apart from that try to ignore the haters and appreciate your true fans instead.
Good luck, i really hope you find a better balance in life.
Keep on keeping on, as you can see from the comments everyone is rooting for ya.. take it easy, and look forward to seeing what you get up to next.
Cheers!
Ok, this might sound a bit cheesy, but to me you are a kind of a paragon. Big word, i know. But your vid on depression and the sports stuff really got me thinking, Being treated on and off for depression for about 14 years now, i know it’s not easy talking about it, esp. when you know that not everyone will get it. And that made me change certain things, which then led to a better relationship between my son and me. Over the course of a year that relationship more or less came to a stop, i sat at my PC, he sat in front of the TV until weekend was over. Mostly because i couldn’t motivate my self to do anything else. And, as i said, that vid got me thinking, and after a little bit of that i started to get things moving again (and, as you might agree, with 265lb + back problems, there was quite a bit of force needed in the beginning). I now own a bike again (ok, it was 45$ on ebay, but gotta start somewhere) and swimming will also be a thing (as soon as i find a place near here that doesn’t want to rob me blind or forces me into some membership-wellness-stuff).
Just wanted to thank you, for making me think and for puting depression in words a way i never could.
I wish you all the best with your course of action and hope the withdrawl will not hit you too hard.
And for the videos, make them as you can. I don’t want you to force your self, esp. with what you’re going do now.
Ok, that was a bit more then i planned to write, but agin, thank you and all the best from germany.
Good for you Jerry! There comes a time when a person has to quit putting so much faith in the medications (and sometimes the therapists) and start putting faith in their self! You have a superb support system which will be key to your success. I was in the same situation a couple of years ago but unfortunately for me, my five siblings did not support me in my decision to discontinue my medications. The result was a total fall-out with the family I cared so much about. Now go give that little woman of yours a big hug and tell her how much you appreciate. Let her know that the fight you’re fighting isn’t with her; although it may seem so at times.
Jerry,
I commend you for your decision. Keep on truckin’.
Keep your stick on the ice and remember, we’re pulling for you
Good luck Jerry, I wish you well. I have been on SSRI’s for many years, and feel they make my life a better place. All I would say is do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. With or without the meds, overweight or skinny, being content with life is the important thing. I’ve been a subscriber for several years and seen your transition along the way. My two cents are this: If you feel like the full time You-Tuber is what is causing your high stress levels… maybe it was better when it was a hobby. You’re a talented coder and could step back into that if its easier on you and your family. Enjoy your son and wife and to hell with what everyone else thinks they are owed.
Whatever path you choose, you rock. Be happy.
I’ve been dealing with similar issue myself; the last few months I’ve been changing my diet and I’ve done well for most of it and then I completely fell off the wagon. But I’m trying and that’s the best I can do.
You’ll get through all of the rocky roads, and will be happier and healthier than before. It just takes a while.
I lost 50 lbs in 5 months in the past. I gained it back plus 30 and now I’m trying again to drop it all. I’m down 10 right now and I gotta stop over indulging in delicious food and have them in moderation!
I wish you luck and baggy pants!
Dear Jerry
I’ve caught on to everything you do very late on. I only started watching your channel a couple of months ago if that. I’ve worked my way through lots of your vids in the evenings and at weekends, some make me laugh, others have nearly brought me to tears. I have had my share of dealing with depression since my teens as well as a battle against the bulge. It takes a hell of a lot of courage to broadcast vids all the time and take all the crap people feel they have a right to throw at you. Sharing your personal life as well as doing tech/gaming etc vids takes some balls.
I for one just want to say I have a huge amount of respect for you, this decision I think is a good one. If you have been sacrificing who you are, then you need to try a different way of tackling things. I changed meds a few times, I found exercise helped sometimes but not always. In the end I just stopped taking them because I felt like I was dying inside. A few years on and I have dealt with my issues that caused the bulk of the depression. Now I’m on no meds at all, I have the occasional bad day but who doesn’t? I won’t lie, the two years sorting myself out were rough, I had to face some inner demons, find and apologise to people I felt I had wronged which was wracking me with guilt. But most of all I had to make peace with myself and move on from two failed marriages. Now I have the rest of my life ahead feeling generally positive and not numbed by medication just to feel on the level.
I wish there were words of comfort or help I could offer for your back pain. I just hope there is someone who watches you that reads this post that may be able to offer some ideas. I really hope it all works out for you and personally I feel touched you have chosen to share this with us.
Best of luck Jerry, wishing you health and happiness from the UK.
Adrian
Dear Jerry:
It looks like you really are struggling here and looking for answers which is good. I was in a car accident 20 years ago and suffered a brain injury. After that I suffered from really bad anxiety, which I took Valium for several years. It was manageable for awhile but then it(the drug) stopped working, I changed to klonopin and Lexapro. I was able to get my life back in order and go back to work. I have noticed that it does flatten a person a bit, but it is a trade off that I am willing to make. I tried to get off klonopin once because I thought I didn’t need it, the withdraw was horrible and my anxiety came right back. One thing I have learned from this, only fix one problem at a time. Get your mental health straightened out first, then tackle you weight issue. For the record your weight problem is not that bad, ignore the trolls, haters are going to hate. Exercise is good for anxiety, that is what I have found. You are a joy to watch on YouTube just being yourself, that is why you have half a million followers. You are always going to get comments from trolls just ignore them, they don’t matter, I suspect they are jealous. You are a natural on YouTube, I had a basketball coach tell us once either put up or SHUT UP, that would be my attitude to the trolls. I hope this makes you feel better and remember you are no alone.
Lori
A lovely post Lori, Jerry is such a natural, I’m sure he will survive all these problems.
Geoff